Functional Idiots Podcast
The Functional Idiots Podcast is hosted by Colton and Dillon, both of whom are idiots who somehow function in everyday life. Think of it as a functional drunk, except we could fail a sobriety field test sober. They discuss the offbeat news stories of the week, but also the hard hitting stuff like, “When someone has multiple children at once, twins, triplets, etc., who is the planned child, and who is the accident child?”. They also make fun of people who can’t seem to get out of their own way in life, and bust each other’s balls along the way. If you yourself feel like a functional idiot waltzing through life, then this is the perfect podcast for you! The Functional Idiots Podcast, the dumbest two hours in podcasting!
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Episodes
Monday Jan 06, 2025
Monday Jan 06, 2025
Welcome into 2025, and welcome to another episode of the Functional Idiots Podcast. In this first episode of 2025, we discuss the Lions, and hope they beat the Minnesota Vikings to win the NFC, since this was recorded before the game actually happened. We also discuss the craziness that is the College Football Playoffs this year, along with the constant crashing in Black Ops 6. We do another edition of Functional Idiots React, and round out this episode with Pornstar Birthdays, and our picks for Functional Idiot of the Week. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcSdJ_QxksQ
Thursday Dec 26, 2024
Thursday Dec 26, 2024
Happy Holidays to all you Functional Idiots!! We have a special episodes that has so much adult themed segments, that it would make Pornhub blush. Speaking of which, we go over the Pornhub 2024 Year in Review and it doesn't disappoint. A talk about a new Superman movie leads into a discussion about movies as a whole, and why they are unoriginal and suck. A little bit of football talk for both NFL and college, and as always, we wrap up the episode with Pornstar Birthdays and possibly the winner for Functional Idiot of the Year. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Monday Dec 23, 2024
Monday Dec 23, 2024
Happy Holidays to all you Functional Idiots!! We have a special episodes that has so much adult themed segments, that it would make Pornhub blush. Speaking of which, we go over the Pornhub 2024 Year in Review and it doesn't disappoint. A talk about a new Superman movie leads into a discussion about movies as a whole, and why they are unoriginal and suck. A little bit of football talk for both NFL and college, and as always, we wrap up the episode with Pornstar Birthdays and possibly the winner for Functional Idiot of the Year. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Friday Dec 13, 2024
Friday Dec 13, 2024
In the third installment of this week's episode of the Functional Idiots Podcast, we do a Functional Idiots React to a man in SoCal that has an interesting way of being a foodie on a tight budget. Pornstar birthdays and our picks for Functional Idiots of the Week round this week's 3 part episode. Parts 1 and 2 have already been released, so go give those a listen too! Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsWO-eqD-Vo
Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
In Part 2 of this week's episode of the Functional Idiots Podcast, we discuss superpowers, but they have drawbacks that make them less appealing. We trudge our way back down the real life GTA server of Florida and are reminded of why we left that place a while back. A pornstar in Australia is going for a world record relating to the episodes' title, and plumbers are wary of what is called "Brown Friday". Part 3 will be out shortly after this gets released, and Part 1 has already been released, so give them all a listen! Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsWO-eqD-Vo
Monday Dec 09, 2024
Monday Dec 09, 2024
Another edition of the Functional Idiots Podcast means more dead brain cells. In this first of three parts, we discuss the Lions being absolute units in the NFL, along with the hit on Trevor Lawrence in which some strong opinions were said. Our bangers of the week are Christmas themed for the month of December, and Dillon's fact this week is Christmas themed as well. Make sure you give the subsequent parts a listen too when they get released later this week. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsWO-eqD-Vo
Thursday Dec 05, 2024
Thursday Dec 05, 2024
In this second part of this week's Functional Idiots Podcast, we play the game Fake Takixs where we attack and defend hot takes that we don't necessarily agree with. We also debate the causes of massive pile-ups on the highways, and wonder why Santa has so much drip? Pornstar Birthdays wraps up the episode along with our picks for Functional Idiot of the Week. Part 1 came out a few days prior, so make sure you go give that a listen as well! Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Monday Dec 02, 2024
Monday Dec 02, 2024
Happy Post Thanksgiving to all you wonderful idiots. We are back once again with an edition of the Functional Idiots Podcast where we recall our Thanksgiving holiday, why the Lions should've lost their game as was tradition, and also a certain kitchen food that also doubles as a dildo is being recalled. Part 2 will be out on Thursday the 5th of December. Make sure you give that a listen when that comes out too! Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Thursday Nov 28, 2024
Thursday Nov 28, 2024
In Part 2, we do a draft of the must have items for Thanksgiving. The first snowfall for most of Michigan happened the previous week, and a little scolding is needed for people who seemingly forget that winter weather brings snow covered roads. Make sure you also give Part 1 a listen to as well. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M
Monday Nov 25, 2024
Monday Nov 25, 2024
In this first part of the 53rd episode of the Functional Idiots Podcast, Dillon tells a work story about how someone decides to pick a fight, for no apparent reason. Another rendition of Trucker Thoughts brings a barrel of thought provoking laughs and so much more. Look out for Part two later in the week. Enjoy!
**Side Note. If you do plan to support us on Patreon, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do it through the iOS app. Do it on the regular patreon.com/functionalidoitspodcast website or you will be dinged an extra charge every month to cover Apple's 30% fee on app store purchases. Android users are fine using the app, just all Apple users, please use the website. Thank you!**
Remember to “Like”, “Rate”, and “Review” our podcast! We’d also really appreciate it if you would share this podcast with people who you think would enjoy it!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: Knock Out the Light - Sunbreak
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
“Banger OTW” Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2szZRDKwm59leFFwNrBl5M