Functional Idiots Podcast

Ep. 42 - Fiery Student Loan Debate and Beach Brownies at "The Vibrator 500"

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Oh boy are you in for a treat in this episode! We welcome Jordan, Dillon's co-worker, back for another episode and discuss Project 2025, with Dillon and Colton getting really fired up over student loan forgiveness. Another edition of "Stupidler's List" occurs centered around "Stupid injuries with excruciating pain". Dillon and Jordan also go head-to-head in Smooth Brain Trivia, to see who has the smoothest brain. The episode wraps up with Pornstar Birthdays and our picks for Functional Idiot of the Week. Enjoy!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
          2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions

Beached Whale Ceremonies and Throat Boners - Episode 41

An A.I. Generated Summary,
In this episode of the Funk Show Idiots podcast, the hosts discuss various topics including technical difficulties, the Olympics opening ceremony, transgender athletes in sports, and the fairness of competition. They express their opinions on transgender individuals competing in women's sports and debate the biological differences between men and women. The hosts also touch on the controversy surrounding a boxing event in the Olympics and the challenges of gender testing in sports. A man in Ohio sued a restaurant for serving boneless wings that contained bones. The Ohio Supreme Court dismissed the lawsuit, stating that boneless wings refer to a cooking style and that it is common knowledge that chickens have bones. The court ruled that the restaurant was not negligent and that the customer should have been aware that boneless wings could contain bones. The lawsuit named the wing supplier and the farm that produced the chicken as well. The court's decision was based on the understanding that boneless wings are made from chicken breasts, which can sometimes contain bone chips. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss a lawsuit involving a man who found a bone in his chicken sandwich. They debate the merits of the lawsuit and compare it to other frivolous lawsuits. They also share their thoughts on the movie Deadpool and Wolverine, and Dillon talks about his embarrassing experience of straining his core muscles while attempting to learn a dance from the movie. They then move on to discuss their top picks for new Olympic sports, including American football, baseball, and fourth grader fights. In this part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss their top picks for new Olympic sports, including hunting, beer pong, and eating contests. They also come up with humorous and outrageous ideas for unconventional Olympic events, such as a jerk-off relay, dodge the sniper, and meet God activities. The conversation takes a comical turn as they discuss the official state meal of Oklahoma and share funny anecdotes about a traffic stop in Florida and a sign on a highway in Chicago. In this final part of the conversation, the hosts discuss Ford's patent for a new technology that could enhance police surveillance by using onboard sensors in Ford vehicles to detect and report speeding violations by other cars on the road. They express concerns about the legal and ethical implications of this technology. They also talk about a woman who fell victim to a phone scam and lost nearly $6,000. The scammers convinced her to undress and spin in circles on FaceTime, claiming it was part of a full body scan to verify her identity. The hosts express disbelief at the woman's gullibility and emphasize the importance of critical thinking and not falling for scams.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
 

50 Shades of Brown on Aisle 46 and Becuming Uncle Daddy - Episode 40

An A.I. Generated Summary,
In this episode of the Functional Idiots podcast, Dillon and Colton discuss various topics including updates on Dillon's schooling, the AI-generated summaries of their podcast episodes, and the recent news of Joe Biden dropping out of the presidential race. They also share their thoughts on potential Democratic candidates, including Kamala Harris and RFK Jr. The conversation covers the challenges of running as an independent candidate and the importance of having a party's support. They express their concerns about Biden's mental fitness and criticize the Democratic Party's handling of the situation. The conversation covers various topics including the selection of J.D. Vance as Trump's running mate, the need for term limits in Congress, the role of business experience in politics, the high cost of insulin, and the challenges of running a country as a business. The hosts also discuss the importance of addressing climate change, the need for reform in the criminal justice system, and the lack of trust in government officials. The episode concludes with their picks for Banger of the Week and Facts of the Week. In this part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss various topics, including the excessive electricity usage in Colton's house, the Guinness World Record for most people making snow angels in North Dakota, the taxation of CEOs' income, the comparison between surviving COVID and surviving an assassination attempt, and conspiracy theories surrounding the shooting incident at a Trump rally. They also touch on the competence of the Secret Service and the controversy surrounding Caitlin Clark's boyfriend partying in Las Vegas. The conversation in this segment covers various topics, including the behavior of looking at attractive people in public, the concept of cleaning trash cans, and the unconventional method of conceiving a child through sperm donation within the family. The hosts engage in humorous and light-hearted banter throughout the discussion. In this final part of the conversation, the hosts discuss various topics, including assisted suicide, the national anthem, and porn star birthdays. They express their opinions on assisted suicide, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and support. They also critique a rendition of the national anthem and share their thoughts on conspiracy theories. The hosts then lighten the mood by discussing porn star birthdays and making humorous comments. They conclude the episode with their functionality of the week and a final remark.
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
          2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions

High Speed Ear Piercings and a Crack's Crack Cracking his Crack - Episode 39

An A.I. Generated Summary........
During this segment of the FUNKSHOW AIDs Podcast, the hosts discuss the recent assassination attempt on Donald Trump at a rally in Pennsylvania. They joke about the heat, promote their podcast and social media channels, and briefly mention other news stories. They then delve into the details of the assassination attempt, expressing their opinions on gun control and the failure of the Secret Service to protect Trump. They analyze the headlines from various news sources and criticize the lack of clarity and bias in some of them. The conversation covers various topics, including the inappropriate comments made by a US representative staff member, the Alec Baldwin shooting incident, and the discussion on panhandlers. The hosts express their concerns about the comments made by the staff member and discuss the need for accountability. They also share their thoughts on the Alec Baldwin case, highlighting the importance of gun safety and negligence. The conversation then shifts to the topic of panhandlers and the skepticism surrounding their requests for money. The hosts share personal experiences and discuss the need to be cautious when giving money to strangers. The conversation concludes with a humorous discussion about the blinking blue lights in Detroit and a bizarre incident at a Dollar Tree store in Philadelphia. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss various topics including assault, road conditions, inventions, and trivia. They share their opinions and make humorous remarks throughout. In this part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss various topics, including candy bars, historical facts, colors, and alcoholic beverages. They also play a game of 'Fuck, Marry, Kill' and answer some random questions. The conversation is filled with humor and banter. In this final part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss various humorous topics, including their reactions to finding an industrial-sized condom box, their thoughts on targeting certain groups of people as serial killers, and their opinions on when to stop using condoms in a relationship. They also share funny stories about sunburns and injuries. The conversation ends with a discussion about their social media channels and Patreon support.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions

Inappropriate Song Lyrics and Stupidler's List - Episode 38

An A.I. generated summary.......
In this episode of the Functional Eats Podcast, Dillon and Colton discuss various topics related to Independence Day, including fireworks, food, and travel. They share interesting statistics and facts about the holiday, such as the amount of money spent on food and alcohol, the number of fireworks displays, and the increase in car accidents. They also touch on the importance of wearing seat belts and the consequences of driving under the influence. Overall, the conversation provides a humorous and informative look at the traditions and celebrations of Independence Day. Dillon and Colton discuss their experiences driving late at night and the dangers of exhaustion and drunk driving. They also share funny stories about their dogs and their love for alcoholic beverages. Colton talks about installing a new dishwasher and the challenges he faced. The conversation discusses the concept of presidential immunity and the recent Supreme Court case on the matter. It explores the idea that the president has immunity on certain things, but the specifics are not clearly defined. The conversation also touches on the misconception that presidential immunity allows the president to commit crimes without consequences, which is not the case. The Supreme Court ruled in a 6-3 decision that the president does have immunity on certain matters, but the lower courts need to determine the specifics. The conversation emphasizes the importance of not being an asshole to service people and maintaining a decent home when calling for service. It also briefly touches on the power of presidential pardons and the ethical considerations surrounding them. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss various aspects of American society and culture. They touch on topics such as the power dynamics between branches of government, the upcoming presidential election, and the most American things ever. They share their opinions on football, hot dogs, tipping, pickup trucks, McDonald's, and more. The conversation highlights both humorous and serious aspects of American life. In this final part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss the most American things ever and share some hilarious and outrageous examples. They also talk about their functional idiots of the week, including a Florida man who left a joint within reach of his 15-month-old daughter and a surgeon who sent his wife a song with inappropriate lyrics for their 14th wedding anniversary. They wrap up the episode by mentioning their social media channels and Patreon.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions

Drinking the Very 'Breast' Milk and Just the Tip - Episode 37 (ft. a special guest)

An A.I. Generated Summary.......
 
In this episode of the Functional Idiots podcast, the hosts discuss various topics including their recent experiences, the presidential debate, the annoyance of high-efficiency appliances, the absurdity of sunroofs, keyboard warriors on social media, and the Stanley Cup finals. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss the recent performance of the Florida Panthers in the Stanley Cup Finals and the exhaustion of Connor McDavid. They also talk about a lawsuit against the NFL regarding the Sunday Ticket subscription service. The conversation then shifts to the annoyance of a viral video featuring a southern accent and the pricing of streaming services like YouTube Premium. They also mention creative edits of the viral video and share some humorous moments. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss a Reddit post about a newly married man whose wife chose to take care of her sister and newborn baby instead of going on their honeymoon. They debate whether the man was in the wrong for going on the honeymoon alone. They also play a game of trivia, with Jordan winning by a score of 4-3. The bangers of the week are 'Reason to Fight' by Disturbed, 'Symptoms of Being Human' by Shinedown, and 'Rain' by Sleep Token. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss various random and humorous topics, including drinking breast milk, the controversy surrounding Dr. Disrespect, and the taste of cow milk and breast milk. They also engage in trucker thoughts, sharing funny and absurd questions and statements. In this part of the conversation, the hosts engage in humorous banter and discuss various random topics, including relationships, porn star birthdays, and controversial scenarios. They touch on subjects like racism, hooking up with a homeless person, and dating someone who has been intimate with a sibling. The conversation is light-hearted and filled with jokes and laughter. In this final part of the conversation, the hosts discuss hypothetical scenarios and engage in humorous banter. They talk about WWE-style fights on Jerry Springer, living in the Super Mario world, time travel vs. space travel, asking for a hall pass in a relationship, and the dumbest criminals of the week. The hosts share their functional idiots of the week, including individuals who ran from the police, underwent leg-stretching surgeries, and engaged in domestic violence. The episode ends with a reminder to follow the podcast on social media and watch their videos on YouTube.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
          2. Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
All sound effects are used under free use copyright
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
 

Illegal Masks and Spicy Cars - Episode 36

A.I. generated summary,
In this episode of the Functional Idiots podcast, Dillon and Colton discuss their frustrations with expensive tools, particularly Snap-on and Mac tools. They talk about the high prices of these tools and question their quality and value. They also compare them to more affordable options like Craftsman and Harbor Freight. The conversation segues into a discussion about power tools, with Dillon expressing his love for Makita and Colton sharing his preference for Milwaukee. They also touch on the recent Stanley Cup finals and the disappointing performance of the Florida Panthers. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss their excitement for the upcoming Stanley Cup finals and the possibility of attending the Daytona 500. They also talk about their love for muscle cars and their dream of owning a Ford Mustang GT500. The conversation then shifts to the topic of ticket prices for sporting events and the concept of supply and demand. They also express their frustration with entitled individuals, commonly referred to as 'Karens.' Finally, they discuss their bucket list items, including attending the Super Bowl and visiting different racetracks. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss various topics, including dumb questions, the dumbest question a Disney employee has ever heard, the incompetence of the Secret Service, the changing landscape of TV shows, and the issue of forced diversity in media. They highlight the importance of good writing and storytelling rather than just focusing on diversity and inclusion. They also touch on the portrayal of female characters in movies and TV shows and the need for well-developed characters and plots. In this final part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss the concept of equality and the importance of not taking jokes too seriously. They share personal experiences of being teased and make light-hearted banter. They also talk about their favorite songs of the week and continue their segment on facts about states. The conversation concludes with discussions about the Chinese military and a car theft incident at an airport.
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions
 

Beefy 5-Layer Supreme and Questionable Swimsuit Choices - Episode 35

An A.I. generated summary,
In this episode of the Functional Idiots podcast, Colton and Dillon discuss various topics including social media, house hunting, going back to school, and bizarre encounters in the South. They also touch on the recent sinking of a cargo ship in the Great Lakes. The conversation is filled with humor and casual banter. In this part of the conversation, the hosts discuss various topics including a ship accident, teachers seducing students, giving birth in unusual places, clean air action days, and bizarre food combinations. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss various topics including food combinations, the Hot Ones challenge, cheating in relationships, and Instagram. They share their opinions on mixing ranch and barbecue sauce, the potential consequences of putting hot sauce on sensitive body parts, and the line between flirting and cheating. They also touch on the controversy surrounding a woman who threatens to dox men who like her bikini photos on Instagram. The conversation takes a humorous and lighthearted tone throughout. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss their experiences with seeing accidents and police activity while driving. They also talk about a TV show called 'Return to Amish' and share their thoughts on the Amish community. The conversation then shifts to a discussion about shopping for swimsuits and the Amish girls trying on different styles. They also talk about the possibility of the Amish girls making friends outside of their community. The conversation ends with a humorous comment about a suggestive YouTube video title. In this final part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss random topics such as the color of a bathing suit, Amish euphemisms, and unusual lawsuits. They also share their banger of the week and discuss porn star birthdays. The conversation ends with a discussion about a man who found a safe containing potentially $100,000 and a man who lost the safe. They also mention upcoming content on their Patreon.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions 
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yJ6QDGp2XQ 

Drinking That Sweet and Sour "G-Fuel" and Urban Dictionary Sex Terms - Episode 34

A Summary Created by A.I.
In this episode of the Functional Idiots podcast, Dillon and Colton discuss various topics including sound malfunctions, NASCAR races, a viral court hearing video, and the new Xbox showcase. They also share their banger of the week songs. In this part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss their gaming preferences and experiences with preordering games. They also talk about the unique storytelling elements in Call of Duty campaigns and their anticipation for the game's release. They then shift gears to discuss their recent culinary adventures, including Dylan's failed attempts at making bread and pot stickers, and his successful homemade pizza dough. They also share some interesting facts about Massachusetts and Michigan. The conversation concludes with a lighthearted discussion about urban dictionary sex terms. In this part of the conversation, Dillon and Colton discuss various sexual acts and their definitions, including the Cosby Sweater, Angry Pirate, Alligator Fuckhouse, and Alaskan Pipeline. They also play a game of 'Who Wants to Be a Smooth Brain?' where Dillon answers trivia questions. The conversation ends with a discussion about the capital of Ecuador. In this part of the conversation, Colton and Dillon discuss a rare phenomenon called cryptic pregnancy, where a woman is pregnant but shows no signs of it. They share a bizarre story of a woman who gave birth in a restaurant bathroom without knowing she was pregnant. They also talk about the NHL airing the Stanley Cup Finals in American Sign Language and express their confusion about the need for sign language when subtitles are available. The conversation then shifts to a woman addicted to drinking gasoline and her intervention by family members. They discuss the health risks and the doctor's examination of her condition.
 
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions 
My Strange Addiction Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX7l93K3WBQ
 

"Zooming" Into Court and Cellulite Hanging From What?! - Episode 33

This glorious episode covers a range of topics including the rising cost of AAA games, the quality of game releases, inappropriate behavior at Disney World, and NASCAR's tribute to fallen service members during Memorial Day. Plus, we touch on sports, respect for veterans, LGBTQ rights, driving experiences, and state facts. The ridiculousness of car prices, Tesla Cybertrucks, Hummer EVs, lemon trees, lemon juice in certain places also come up. It finishes up with someone zooming, literally, in court and pornstar birthdays. Enjoy!
Music licensed by Epidemic Sound
Intro Music: We Got the Balls - Rockin’ For Decades
Trivia Music: 1. Trapped in a Maze - Philip Ayers
Find My Boy and Bring Him Home - Bonnie Grace
So Mad Intro: Death and Destruction - Off Cuts
Pornstar Birthday Music: Last Move - White Bones
Outro Music: Put Me on Fire - Off Cuts
*All sound effects are used under free use copyright*
Email the Show: functionalidiotspodcast@gmail.com 
Podcast Website: https://functionalidiotspodcast.podbean.com/ 
Twitter: Functional Idiots Podcast @funidiotsshow
Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/FunctionalIdiotsPodcastYouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@FunctionalIdiotsProductions